Lent

Well, its that time of year again, Lent.

For those of you who have visited before, I usually give up swearing for Lent. The thought behind this is it supposedly takes 21 days to break a bad habit. I figure 40 days of Lent is time to break the habit and then some. As this is my third year giving up swearing, the logic is obviously not fool proof.

Every time I swear, I have to skip a meal so a good portion of those 40 days is spent surly in near starving conditions.

Maddie's class was asked what each of them would be giving up for Lent, here are their responses:

If you click on it, you'll notice that my daughter gave up refrigerator magnets! Honestly. Thank you for your sacrifice Jesus, I'm giving up fridge magnets. You've got to be shitting me....there went breakfast.

I know I've mentioned this before...

I love the Olympics!!!!

I have a hankering to load up the car with Maddie and the dogs and drive to Vancouver!

I also want a pair of these snazzy mittens!!!

Just dropping by...

I have been absent from my blog. I am so busy with my busy kindergartener. Admittidly, work messed with my computer and I no longer have access to log into my blogspot account from my work computer, which is where I did most of my blogging. I have been keeping up with you all though, because thankfully I can still view your blogs (except Karen, your blog shuts my system down completly, so I catch up with you when I'm not working). You all make my day go so much faster.

The holidays flew by, in fact, I'm still reeling from the fact that its no longer July, for some reason that is when time seemed to speed up.

I've been spending alot of time with my sister and her family. For those who have read previous posts, I had a serious falling out with my sister when my mom died. I decided that while I am deeply hurt by her actions, having her in mine and my Maddie's life is more important than focusing on something I cant change.

I simply cant believe my wonderful mom has been gone for three years. Fuck you Cancer.

My sister talked me into going with her to get my hair done...which I generally dont do anymore (long story, another post maybe). Since it was the day before the anniversary of my moms passing, it was easy to convince me to cut off 12 inches and donate it, once it was gone and layered, why not dye it? So thats what I did, it was very freeing and I feel like a new person!

My strong willed baby girl is still tearing up the Catholic school system and I think is trying to go for some sort of red light record. As much as I threatened, Santa was good to her anyway. I just couldnt help myself...

While she was home on Christmas break her beloved goldfish "goldie" died. Preceeded in his death were "swimmie" and "rocky". She took Goldies death pretty hard since she personally won him at the fair (I thought it was amazing he lasted as long as he did). I had to pinky swear to get her new fish. Came home from the pet store with 4 new fish and a puppy. I clearly have issues.

Meet Weasley. Maddie just calls him Weez. Mini hates him.

Guess who just turned 6!!!!

I took it harder than her first day of school!

The bird whisperer

First day of school...

Howdy strangers!!! I know its been a while but I've been keeping tabs on you all! I'm shocked that summer has come and gone and my baby is no longer a baby.

Not sure what to title this:

My Aunt died 2 weeks ago...yet another loss to that horrible monster Cancer. She was my dads sister. My father is one of eight...big family? I think so since I was only one of three. This was very hard on all of them, not only did they lose a beloved sister but I believe more than one of them started to face their own mortality. I think that's natural, but my father actually told me to prepare myself for alot more funerals....his M.O. has always been saying the most inappropriate thing at the most inopportune time.

By some miracle I got the time off of work to go and drove down to Chicago both days for the wake and the funeral. As I stood in front of the open casket, I tried like hell to summon the appropriate emotion, but I couldn't...I feel sad, at one point I considered myself close to my aunt, I certainly loved her dearly, my heart ached for my uncle and my cousins, but I felt nothing. I was numb. People come up and say "doesn't she look beautiful" or "didn't they do a great job"...my honest thought is: no, she looks like she fought hard and lost, she gave everything she had and it wasn't enough. There is beauty in the determination but not the final result. Maybe my emotions are all used up. I feel selfish and ugly and wish I could offer more, but I stood there with my mouth shut, no comfort whatsoever.

Then my sister walked in. I have not spoken to her in 2 1/2 years, since my mom died. We were at moms house going through stuff and my brother got mad over a Christmas ornament. That was all it took for my sister to snap. She kicked me out of the house. She sent me a nasty letter calling me a bad mother, criticizing my then 3 year old. Told me she was tired of me "boo hooing" over mom. And said the list of things wrong with me is too long and goes too far back to list in her paragraph, single spaced, typed letter that she had certified mailed to me so she would be assured that I received such an emotional blow. She went on and had movers deliver a piece of furniture to my house which cost my portion of the estate $800 even though I had friends who were going to pick it up. She and my brother went through the stuff and picked out what they wanted and sold the rest in a garage sale. The biggest blow was distributing my mothers ashes according to her wishes without notifying me or giving me a chance to say a final goodbye. Over the past 2 years she has ignored my daughter every birthday and Christmas...and here she was.

I walked over to them with Maddie who was so excited to see my niece "B" and didn't recognize her when I was pointing right at her...alot changes in 2 years. B started crying and hugged me right away. Then my sister grabbed me and hugged me and cried and told me she was sorry and she did so many mean things to me but she was so angry that mom died. (no kidding, who would have guessed). I'm not sure I went through that type of anger, but I was very very sad for a very long time, sad and alone.

She has been texting me, just casual, how you doing type stuff...I respond pleasantly, but once again I'm unable to summon the appropriate emotion. Yes, she did mean stuff and I do consider myself a forgiving person, but so much time has passed and I'm not sure what I feel. To me, it was never about "stuff or money" there wasnt alot of either.