That's how I feel. I don't know where I have been the last two months. I guess I have been busy, but then not really busy, just kind of detached...has anyone else felt that way?
Maddie has been doing much better in school, no more word from the teacher and I almost get the sense she's tired of me asking. Big shout out to SUZ for reading my blog and sending me some books she thought might help!! Suz, you are the best!
I cant believe its trick or treating already this weekend...we haven't even carved pumpkins yet! Maddie agreed to go as a cheerleader since I bought the costume on clearance last year. I'm thankful she is so agreeable as I do not have the time to run out and try and find her a horse costume, which is what she really wants to be. I wish I would have gotten my act together sooner so I could attempt to sew a costume...my mom used to make the best costumes. Ahhh, the good old days. Saturday she will trick or treat the businesses and then Sunday the houses. Sunday there is rain/SNOW in the forecast so we'll see.
The duchess turned 5 last week. We went out for a special dinner, baked a cake and had a quiet evening. 5!!!! OMG I still cant believe it! Maddie got a card and money from my dad and she decided she wanted to call him, which is great. The last thing I want is for my crap to become her crap as far as issues go with my family. So I called and it was awkward. I do believe that relationship is beyond repair. I refuse to let that severed relationship get me down anymore than it already has...I will always stand up for myself and my daughter regardless of the cost...so there.
One last thing...Welcome back MRS. KBL, you were missed~
Friday, October 3, 2008
Well, its been a while since I've posted. I don't really have an explanation other then the overwhelming feeling that I have been lost in my own life. September flew past with such speed that its almost left me in shock.
Maddie has started school (I still haven't even turned in all the requirements yet) from 8:30 to 1:00. I pick her up on my lunch break and she is home with me for the remaining 3 hours of my work day. This has been a huge change for me...as a single parent, the only time I'm away from Maddie is during my work day and the drive to take her to and from daycare/school etc. Now a portion of my work day has Maddie in it, please don't take that the wrong way, I love my daughter more than life itself, but I feel unbalanced. I would love to be a stay at home mom, but I'm a working mom who stays at home and that is huge.
Yesterday, when I picked Maddie up from school, the teacher pulled me aside to tell me that Maddie has not been listening in school. Purposely not listening. For example: they are to sit cross legged (pretzel legged) on the mat during story time. Maddie refuses to do this, after so many times of telling her, they make her sit in a chair and then she SMILES!!!! at them. She will also shriek at the top of her lungs out of nowhere.
I was beside myself. I really didn't know what to say and I have even less of an idea what to do. Is she getting too much attention? Not enough? I realize the situation could be worse...the parent in front of me went first and her kid has been: pulling, pinching, punching, pushing, kicking and spitting. But I feel inadequate. I came home and cried and I'm still crying as I type. Maddie has no other explanation other than she misses me. The only thing I can think to do is a schedule. If Maddie is bucking the system at school then its time to get a little more regimented at home, schedule her day when she's here. Some, but little TV time. Project time. Help with dinner. I have doves, its Maddie's job to vacuum the feathers. Play time. Taking a walk together. I'm open for suggestions.