Friday, June 13, 2008

Fathers Day.

I have mixed emotions regarding Fathers Day. I'll start with this:

After being with Maddie's father for close to four years, I discovered when I was four months pregnant that he was cheating on me (he married the person he cheated on me with, cheated on her and had a baby with that person, although he's still married). I told him it was, of course, over.

A day after my ultrasound telling me she was a girl, he called and said "I don't want it", I said "She's not an it, she's a girl"...his only reply was "I don't want it, OK?". A few days later he called back to say if I went after child support, he would go after custody. For me, it was a no brainer, but of course I sought council with my family, friends, and my church. They all told me the same thing. Move on and don't look back, which I did, and I haven't. It was, after all, very clear that he did not care for his child. He was only interested in being spiteful and playing games. I had witnessed this behavior in our relationship and was very aware of his relationship with his ex-wife and it was not pretty (writing was clearly on the wall people, I just refused to read it) .

He hasn't so much as asked for a picture of my beautiful Maddie, he has no idea what she looks like. He has never called to check on her well being. She does not exist in his world.

I have no regrets, I know for absolute certain I did the right thing. I have witnessed what he has done to the other woman who had his child after me, because guess what? She went after support. I have struggled financially, and the money would have helped, but my daughters emotional and physical well being are far too important to me to sacrifice for money.

This is hard on Maddie and for that, I feel horrible. There is an entire side to her family that she will not know... father, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, grandma and grandpa. All her little friends have daddy's, and she has no one. When making projects at daycare for fathers day, Maddie did something else. She is only four and since she has never known a father, I don't think she totally gets it, but she will. Little girls need their dads, and hers is a bonehead. I hurt for her knowing that she will have hurt feelings over this someday. I know this because I have hurt and rejected feeling about my own father, Bonehead Sr. I need to vent, but I think I'll take the Madster to the park. The sun is finally shining and I can vent later when it rains!


suz said...

oh my gosh. what I can say is...she is SO lucky to have you as a MOM. You are doing such a good job. You are giving a good name to all the single Moms. (and I know a lot of them) She will learn so much from you...she does not NEED a man in her life...she will make her own life on her own...thanks to you!!! Keep her on a good track and she will grow up a strong woman. With good values.
She will make you proud.

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

WOW. That is a really honest, and very moving post Maggie. Interestingly, I went to a wedding today (I wrote about it on my blog). The bride (who is 21) is the daughter of a good friend of mine from HS who was a single teenage mom who raised an INCREDIBLE daughter. Yes, there were very hard times, and yes, may many struggles but today was really a celebration of what a SUCCESS her journey has been.

I will keep you and your beautiful girl in my prayers.

Your daughter's biological father is nothing more than a sperm donor - just look at him that way.

Suzanne is right - she is VERY lucky that you are her Mommy! You're wonderful, and will raise a strong, independent woman!

Keep up the good work, girl!

karengberger said...

Dear Mags,
How very, very painful this day must be for you. I am so sorry.

Clearly, you are a loving and thoughtful mother, to face and understand not only your own pain, but to prepare yourself for Maddy's, --and to let go of what financial comfort might (or might not) be offered by "him" in favor of freedom from more pain. (I'm with you on that; the price sounds way too high!)
Your hard-earned wisdom, your compassion, dedication and love will surely continue help you both as you walk this road together. Blessings to both of you!

Anonymous said...

This post was very touching. Child support is definitely not worth the manipulation he would put you and your daughter through. Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job!